In memory of Ethan

Whilst I've always been aware that SIDS provide valuable information to help prevent babies dying during their sleep, I wasn't aware that they also provide bereavement counselling to anyone who is closely impacted by an unexpected baby or child's death, regardless of the cause.

Living without Ethan is unbearable. The pain and sadness is all consuming. It’s waking up every day with a weeping heart, knowing that can’t change, and wondering how we’ll survive. We’ve felt shocked and overwhelmed. We saw Ethan as our happy, healthy, strong boy. Ethan’s death was out of order, I saw him as part of me, and myself as part of him. I was used to being attached to him all day everyday. It isn’t getting any easier for us, and in some ways as the shock wears off, it feels worse.

We are still waiting to hear if the Coroner will be able to determine a cause for Ethan’s death. It’s already been a long wait and we are not expecting to know the outcome for at least another month. Not knowing why this happened feels like torture. The testing and analysis takes time, the coroner reviews everything from my pregnancy, to his birth, every medical record since, as well as the post mortem examination. When I last spoke with them a few weeks ago, they were still waiting on all of the biopsy results, and they have engaged a neurological specialist consultant to review his case.

I closed Ethan’s bank account this week, money that we were saving to give to him when he was older. Although we do not yet know the cause of Ethan’s death, we’ve decided to give his savings to SIDS Australia.

I’ve always thought of SIDS as a charity who have funded research, and provided life saving information preventing many cot deaths from occurring each year. I was very aware of the SIDS recommended safe sleeping practices, and we followed the guidelines. Ethan slept in a bassinet beside our bed until he was 7 months old and then in a cot in his own room. If Ethan’s death is attributed to SIDS/SUDS it would be unusual as 90% of babies who die from SIDS are under 1 year of age, and most commonly within the first 6 months of life.

The support that SIDS provide (bereavement counseling, support groups, reading materials) is far broader than we had realised. They support families who have lost a baby or child unexpectedly regardless of the cause. This includes deaths caused by accidents, drowning, viruses, or anything unexpected. The support is on offer for anyone directly impacted (parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts etc).

We’ve felt loved and supported by our family and friends. We’ve received many generous gifts, but some of you have also asked if you could make a donation to a charity of our choice, so I’ve set up a fundraising page for SIDS Australia in memory of Ethan.

Many of you have your own charities that you support. We all have different financial commitments, please do not feel any pressure to donate. If you do wish to donate no amount is too small. Some of you may know that I’m turning 40 later this month, if you were planning on giving me a present I’d ask that you consider making a donation in lieu of a gift.

Thank you again for all of the love, support and kind messages that we have been receiving, it does help xx